One Girl

The following is a repost from my blog http://aredskirt.org/. I feel very strongly about this issues and wanted to address them.

Zukiswa Gaca was at a bar, drinking with friends in Khayelitsha township, less than 40 kilometers outside Cape Town, South Africa, when a man tried to ask her out. According to accounts she informed the man that she is a lesbian and that she was not interested. The man then claimed that he was “cool” with that and didn’t have a problem with it. Gaca says he was nice and she trusted him, and they left the bar to go to the home of one of his friends, and that is where his friendly exterior turned nasty.

According to a CNN report the man then told her that he hates lesbians and that he was about to show her that she was not a man, as he claimed she was treating herself like a man.” Gaca attempted to explain that she is not a man and never said that she was man but said that she is a lesbian. And then he said “I will show you that I am a man and I have more power than you.”"

Then he raped her, she says, as his friend watched.

This is called “corrective rape” and unfortunately it is not uncommon. This is when men force themselves on a lesbian believing it will change their sexual orientation. It’s a very sick and twisted practice and mindset.

The idea of “curing” someone from being gay, lesbian, bi or transgender is seen in other forms. Although they may not be as twisted as corrective rape, they are still sick in their own ways. An example being the allowance of young gay males to be bullied and harassed many times, some very violently, in order to make them straight, or at the very least act straight. The result does not produce a young straight male, but sadly more often a scared young person that feels his only escape is suicide.

Transgender people are also pushed to suicide or experience rape. I myself have been a victim of rape. And it’s really hard to seek help and be turned away from the very places that are supposed to be there to help. Many transgender people who are going through their transition often find themselves in horrible living conditions. And sadly there is a large view that they somehow deserve to be treated in the horrible ways that many are for trying to pursue happiness by being how they truly are.  Too often is the result that transgender women in particular resort to committing survival crimes such as prostitution which places them at high risk or rape and or murder.

These sick views are coming to light and hopefully that light will bring with it some degree of change. Thanks for Reading.

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Growing up I think that I can say my biological father and I were not very close. We didn’t do a lot of things of things together. There were the moments when he would go to the farmer’s market and take me with him or wake me up to tell me don’t be late for school. Other than that there wasn’t anything else that we talked about or did. It wasn’t until I started transition that he and I became really close. This was shortly before he died.

Strangely enough my father being an older man with older beliefs never showed much opposition to my transitioning. He was suprised to see after so long and I didn’t look the same. I don’t know if maybe it was because he had become ill which is what some have suggested and he just didn’t want to waste the little time that was left. I don’t know. I’d like to think that it was more than that.

I remember sitting there next to his bed. This towering man who for all my life seemed so strong and fit, harsh with little emotion looked at me and smiled. I was afraid up until that point. I didn’t know what his reaction to me would be. I didn’t know what he would say, because nothing with him was ever subtle at least not to my recollection.

“You look very nice,” he said. I’ll never forget that.

I think I got closer to him after my transition that I had over the course of my entire life prior. At least that’s the way that it felt. We talked more about feelings-his feelings and mine. He for the first time really asked me how I was feeling and told me that if I ever needed him don’t hesitate to let him know. I tried not to ever ask him for anything because I’ve always been so independent. Maybe in a way that is a fault of mine, not wanting to ask for help when I need it. I can at times be very stubborn and won’t quit even when I can’t win.

“You can come around me whenever you want,” I remember him saying as he lay in bed looking at me with a smile.  I wish he were here now. But just like my beautiful grandmother he has passed on. Those last years were stronger than any distance that we ever had. He was always happy to see me and I was always happy to see him. It’s remembering his acceptance and that of grandmother that makes me feel good when my transitioning is criticized or someone tries to make me feel like I’m less than the woman I’ve become.  I am father’s daughter. Missing him this holiday season.

Thanks for Reading.

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